I've put it off. I've fought with insecurity and inadequacy. I've wrestled with the doubts of writing anything with substance or noteworthiness. And I've wanted to go back and toss the whole series in the trash. But here I sit, prompted to write what I know to be true. I know that I must share the ingredient of marriage that I've practiced more than any other. I must share what I've learned and how I've failed and how much it means.
It's prayer. Sweet and simple, prayer.
It sounds easy, and it is.
It sounds simplistic, but it's far from it.
To some it may sound difficult, and sometimes it is.
It's essential, that's what it is.
I will never forget the night, a Wednesday night in my home church. I was just shy of twenty-one, and I had met a fella. At the moment, I wasn't completely sure if I liked him. He was nice and my parents approved. He was talented and loved Jesus, but for a few reasons, I hadn't let my heart go completely. I was holding back.
I was randomly doodling that Wednesday night, letting my thoughts run away during the pastor's lesson (don't judge, who hasn't done this?) when I heard him say something that changed the course of my life forever. It was a simple challenge that I momentarily shook off with all the piousness I could muster. His challenge was this:
"Pray and ask God where your faith is lacking."
The entire message that night had been about faith. Faith, smaith, I had been thinking. I was half-listening because, in my naivety, I thought my faith was, ya know, pretty solid. I believed in God. I believed in Jesus and His dying on the cross for me and all. I had been raised in church all my life, so, consequently, I had heard about faith all my life. No biggie.
And then God did a little throw-down on my faith snobbery.
Because the pastor challenged us to pray and ask God where we lacked faith, I bowed my head and began. I'm a rule-follower by nature, so I did what I was told. I honestly remember thinking that it was a slight waste of time. Yet before I had even gotten the thoughts out of my head, I began sensing what the Lord was saying to me. I remember it like it was yesterday because it was so loud and clear....
"Dana, I need you to trust me, and right now, you're not. You aren't sure about Brian, but I am. You lack faith in this. Trust me. This is the plan I have for you. Have faith in me that I know best. Have faith in me that this is my plan for you. Let your heart go."
Believe what you want about hearing God or sensing that He is speaking to you. For me, He spoke to my heart louder than I anything audible I had ever heard before in my life.
I sat there on that pew long after the prayer time was over. What had just happened? This was the Holy voice of God, and I knew it full well. There was no mistaking it. I had half-heartedly prayed, but He had overwhelmingly answered. My faith had been residing in shallow feelings and in selfish ambitions. I was now challenged to trust Him with my future, the future that only He could see.
That one prayer changed my life. I let my heart go. A few months later we were engaged, and eight months after that I married the man God told me to. I've never looked back or doubted that decision.
And I have been praying ever since.
My faith was expanded that Wednesday night, and I learned about trust in a way that I've never forgotten. I would love to tell you that since that time I've never doubted God ever again, or that we've been living in martial bliss ever since. But that would be one big, fat lie because we're human with faults and all.
Our marriage is one that's been filled with all kinds of junk along the way like most have. We have fought, argued, gone to bed mad, and thrown around hurtful words just like the majority of folks. We have roughed it through the sands of infertility. We have backpacked through the rough terrain of addiction. We have weathered the storms of frivolous lawsuits. We have sailed the seas of death.
And all along the way, I've prayed.
My prayers have changed over the years. Where I once begged God to bless us with a baby, I now pray that He would grant me wisdom with my teenagers. Where I once asked God to bring Brian to a place of repentance, I now thank Him for the God-honoring man that he is. Where I once pleaded for God to change things about my husband, I now pray that He changes me into the wife I should be. Where I once asked God not to allow harm or heartbreak to come to my children, I now ask that He uses whatever comes their way to bring Him glory and draw them closer to knowing Him.
Where I once could barely keep my eyes open to finish my rote prayers, I now realize how necessary it is to pray without ceasing, for everything, all day long.
The One-Year Marriage Experiment that started in June of 2013 still continues to this day. In one year I learned many things. I learned to be more compassionate and less controlling. I learned to encourage my husband through words and actions. I'm learning to let him lead. And I've read several good books along the way. But mostly, I learned that the very thing that began this relationship will be the thing that keeps it rolling. And that is prayer.
How do you start? Just start.
What do you say? Just start and it will come.
What if nothing changes? It will. You will change.
Pray and ask God where your faith is lacking.
What if your marriage is tanking and nothing seems like it will help? Pray.
What if your spouse isn't a believer? By all means, pray.
What if you're already separated and headed for the attorneys? Pray and have faith. Ask God to reveal your lack of faith.
Pray the Word first and pray your heart next. And then listen for God's sweet voice.
He will speak. He will show you what He wants of you if you just ask. He will even take your half-hearted prayers and overwhelmingly answer. It may not look like you think. It will be better!
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20
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