Acceptance...

I like fitting in.  There, I said it. 

I am a product of small-town, middle-America where I learned how to be a part of the "popular" crowd and be voted to the homecoming royalty.  I was invited to all the birthday parties and had best friends that I was always surrounded by.  I have a huge stack of pictures from my high school days...pictures from all occasions that show me knowing how to "fit in."  Even in college, I found friends in sororities and fraternities, alike.  The thought of not fitting in never crossed my mind.  I knew how to dress, how to act, where to go, and who to hang with. 

As I have gotten older, my life has changed quite a bit.  I've gotten married, had three children, quit my job, and moved to a different state.  My "popular" life came to a halt in a fairly quick amount of time.  My identity became my family.  During this time, my relationship with Jesus became even more real, as well.  I began to realize that my worth came from being a believer in Him, not in the acceptance of others.  Over the last twelve years since becoming a mom, my efforts and energies have gone directly to raising children that love and honor God. 

Because of our lifestyle and education choices, my children haven't had to master the fine art of fitting into the "popluar" crowd.  They're normal kids, wearing normal clothes, listening to normal music, and watching normal tv shows...but they don't worry as much about acceptance as I was programmed to.  Or as I still do. 

Even though I realize that my worth comes from being a child of the Lord Jesus Christ, I still fight the pull of popularity.  I know better.  I reason with myself and go over scripture that tells me different, but it's still there.  The desire to be accepted by the "in" crowd of the town still looms. 

So, let me just get real.... Living a bit differently from the norm never really attracts anything except skepticism.  People think we're a bit odd because of our conservative choices.  Odd, truthfully, doesn't equal popularity. 

Bottom line:  I want to be understood and accepted.  I don't want to be thought of as odd.  I want people to understand that the decisions we make as a family are made because we feel those decisions best glorify God and honor Him.   Will I ever get to the point where I stand firm in walking in the will of the Lord even if NO ONE approves or understands? 

Over the course of the last few months while wrestling with this, my Lord hasn't exactly made things easier for me.  Nope, it's been right the opposite, actually.  Certain circumstances have come up that have made me feel even more isolated and more alone.  At my lowest points I've cried out to the Lord for acceptance and approval.  I've even had my own little pity-party.  Has the Lord sent me encouragement by the means of acceptance from others?....uh...nope.  He can't do something that goes against Who he is.  He wants me to learn the incredible freedom of relying completely on HIS acceptance alone.  Being popular here on this earth is never something I am encouraged to be.  A servant?  Yes.  A helper to my husband?  Yes.  A teacher to my children?  Yes.  Popular?  uh....nope.  

I don't think I'm finished with this lesson.  It often takes years to re-program everything you've known to be you.  But a new little groove is forming on my rock, for sure.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  Gal 5:16