Ok, enough of that. Who are we kidding? They're not really new plans, but more like re-visited concepts, or perhaps previous ideas with new focus. They're ways to get us back on track after the craziness of December, and maybe November and October, and perhaps even last March.
As I sat with my favorite pen in hand and thought about what I'm hoping for 2015, the page stared back blank.
"What do I want this year to bring for me and my family?" I asked the question as if I'm in total control. Am I not?
I love lists and I looooove marking them off. For me, I usually have no trouble filling up the page with (semi) realistic goals. I'm not just a planner, though, I'm a goal-focused planner. I like to see the goal on paper, and then devise a way to reach it. And with that mindset, I'm always the one in control. Hey, something felt slightly convicting. What's up with that?
As I looked down at my blank page, I couldn't seem to focus. I went back to my original question, "What do I want this year to bring for me and my family?" but couldn't get past the fact that the question seemed off.
Years prior, my list of resolutions might include the likes of:
1. Lose weight
2. Workout six days a week
3. Read all the Chronicles of Narnia books
4. Do a random act of kindness at least once a week
5. Have more family devotions
6. Make more time for friends
7. Drink 80 oz of water a day
8. Eat more fruit (ok, ANY fruit)
And this year's list could potentially look the same, minus the Narnia books, since I've already read those.
The longer I thought about this, the more I realized that the blank page didn't need me to fill it with more goals that would be half-discarded by Valentine's Day. Perhaps I've always planned based on culture, fad, convenience, and personal desires. Maybe it was time to ask myself a different question?
I sat in the quiet of the morning and my living room for several minutes. The longer I stared at the blank whiteness of my notebook, the more I knew what the question should be. The better question for the new year was, "What do you want my list to look like, God?" It was a relinquish of control and I knew it. And perhaps I was fighting it.
It didn't take me long to hear the answer in the depths of my heart.
The answer was simply.... pray.
I must confess that it seemed lame at first. I'm not saying anything God doesn't know that I thought. It seemed "not enough" and I shrugged it off for a few minutes. How would praying get the pounds off? How does praying help me drink more water and eat healthier? I already pray. That's lame, God. I need tangible, workable goals. I need to be in control. Umm. I mean, hmmm.....
Gently and with the grace that I've come to recognize like none other, I began to realize the truth behind this word, pray. Prayer takes me to the place of trust, and submission, and a contrite spirit. It moves the mountainous burdens out of my control and into the hands of the God who weighs the mountains. It places a new set of glasses on the lens of my heart and allows me to see triumph out of tragedy. Prayer refocuses my mind, takes my wild thoughts captive, and bends them before a good and wise Creator. Prayer leads me down the path of restoration and reconciliation when my flesh wants to rub shoulders with bitterness and unforgiveness. And prayer ultimately reminds me of the Gospel - that God gave His perfect Son for me while I was dead in my sin. Prayer then allows me to worship that very God.
So, for this new year, I'm resolving....... to pray.
It's the one thing I can truly control. I can control how often, how long, and how diligently I pray. And then I can resolve to trust. To trust in a God who has my best interests at heart, and in a God who loves me with more grace and mercy than I can ever begin to explain with human words.
Actually, I've always been a pray-er. I remember nights as a pre-teen, lying in my bed praying for everything I could think of as I drifted off to sleep. The power of prayer was instilled at an early age, and as the years built into decades, I began to see one prayer after another answered. Not prayers for wealth or success or BMW's (although I'm still not counting that one out - don't judge), but prayers for the seriously significant priceless things like unwavering faith or restored marriage or redeemed lives.
My blank notebook page just happened to be sitting atop two books that I have been using for over ten years now.
This wasn't a coincidence, but rather a divine reminder. I began to thumb through the worn books, and as I did, my heart became swelled with hope. Page after page filled me with new, fresh trust as I read through the old pages of old prayers of old hopes.
One of the best ways to have new trust is to look back at the answered prayers of old hopes.
So, for the new year, my blank page is now filled with this:
-I long to pray with thanksgiving on all occasions.
-I aspire to pray over all the things that seem so incredibly out of my control.
-I want to pray with trust over the circumstances that seem ludicrous and hopeless.
-I plan to pray over those in my life that are hard to love and easy to criticize.
-I resolve to pray without ceasing for situations that drive me crazy, knowing that there is a purpose for them in my life.
-I will pray for the lost, lonely, hurting, and rejected, knowing that God has a plan bigger than what I can see for them.
-I will continue diligently praying for my husband and my children, that they will love and serve Him with all their hearts.
-And I will pray that I relinquish my desire to be in control of the plan and instead rest in the Planner.
May we all have a blessed 2015. May we rest our prayers in the lap of the Redeemer.
And may we all lose weight, for goodness sake! Now, let's hit the treadmill.
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