It was a balmy and sunny Thursday afternoon. I was 38 weeks pregnant with you and still working in a hot, unairconditioned gym. Something didn't feel quite right. There was as much activity going on in my uterus as there was in the pep assembly that was taking place at that moment. As soon as the bell rang and the students were out the door, I hopped in my car and headed home. I was met by your daddy who was taking me the 25 miles to my doctor. It was a regularly scheduled appointment, and I was glad it was today. I had lots of questions. I know you find that hard to believe.
My name was called and we made our way to the examining room. The doctor did his normal checks and told me the news. "You're ready to go," he said. HUH!? Wait a minute! I still had exactly two more weeks before my due date. When I was given my due date in late February, that's the day I was banking on. I'm a rule-follower and going early kinda felt like breaking a rule. (I more than got over this by the time your brother and sister came along.) This was my first crack at mommy-hood and I was a wee bit nervous and still needed the extra weeks to prepare.
After his initial statement, the doctor then followed up with, "You're ready, but that doesn't mean it will be today. It could be today or it could be another two weeks. We just never know. I would be prepared for anytime, though."
I called your Nanny and asked her to take me to Walmart for the last of the necessities before you arrived. I waddled my way around the store, all the while feeling some weird twinges that made me slightly uncomfortable.
The rest of the night was uneventful until around 9:00 pm. I was settled in bed watching tv but kept feeling those same twinges, each one starting to grow a little stronger than the last. I began watching the clock and the pains definitely became regular. At approximately 10:05, I sat straight up in bed, and said, "My water just broke!" Your sweet dad answered, "Are you sure?!?!" God bless him, he was as clueless as I was. If there was one thing at that moment that I was completely sure of.....MY WATER JUST BROKE.
We danced around like the episode of I Love Lucy when Lucille Ball gave birth to Little Ricky. We called close friends and family, grabbed our bags, and headed out the door. By 11:00 pm, I was in a room, in a gown, and completely hooked up to all kinds of machines.
I labored with you through the night and at 9:05 the next morning, you entered our world. My heart was full at first sight. I was completely thrilled that the labor process was over, but more than that, I was over-the-moon with you. Your dad and I were rocked with emotion. Laughter, tears of joy, extreme exhaustion, unconditional love for you...all rolled up into balls and going off like little explosions in our hearts.
Your grandma came into the room and her first question was whether or not you had red hair. You had the standard issue hospital cap on, and to be completely honest, the thought hadn't even entered my mind. Yes, your dad has red hair, as do aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides, but for some crazy reason, I hadn't even considered it. We had waited so long to have you, my mind had simply become consumed with being the best mommy I could possibly be. What you looked like was secondary. To answer Grandma's question, though, I pulled back your cap. There was no mistaking, our first-born was definitely a red-head. We brought you home the next day as wide-eyed parents knowing only two things: we were completely in love and completely inexperienced. Because of both of those things, we also knew we were completely dependent upon the Lord for help. That hasn't changed to this day.
Your personality began to blossom immediately and it hasn't stopped. From the first few weeks in the bassinet, you showed us how curious you were. If someone was in the room, you wanted to be awake and know what was going on....you still do. You loved family from the moment they starting arriving....you still do. You loved going to church and hearing about Jesus....you still do. You were gentle and easy to take with me anywhere....you still are. By the time you were two, you liked your room neat and tidy without anything out of place....you still do. You knew exactly what kind of style you liked to wear by the time you were old enough to dress yourself....you still do. You have never liked change.....you still don't.
Tomorrow is a big day for you. It officially marks the start of new independence and freedom. As this happens, I feel just as clueless as I did the first day I brought you home. Just as I was getting comfortable being a mom of a toddler, you grew up on me. Some days I still dance around like Lucille Ball because I'm completely lost in my new role of being the mom of a young woman.
But every day, I simply cherish the time we have together.
The hardest part of watching you grow up is knowing that I can't protect you from the harsh world around you. I try to make decisions for you too often only because I still see you as the little girl who looks up at me for direction. I'm learning the difficult art of staying quiet with my opinions and letting you come into your own. That's much harder than learning how to braid your hair at five, but I'm trying. I mess up a lot with this new role, as you know. Thank you for your grace in those times.
You are smart. You are kind. You are important.....as The Help often quotes. But more than those things, you have Jesus. He is your guide, protector, confidante, and best friend. He goes before you and walks beside you. As you drive away tomorrow morning in your little red car, I know He lives within you. Trust in Him always. Lean on Him daily. Call out to Him regularly. And love Him with your whole heart.
For it was He who gave you to me in the first place. And for that I am forever thankful.
I love you big, Darby Lynn.
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