This Isn't How I Planned It!!

It was a Friday afternoon in May.  I was a little anxious, but I was sitting in the car next to the man that I was falling in love with, therefore, all was well.  We had just set out on what would be my first trip to his hometown.  I would meet his extended family this particular weekend.  Things were progressing nicely between us, and it was time to be introduced to his stomping grounds.

About thirty minutes into our drive, right about the place where the road bends Arkansas into Missouri, I methodically asked him a very important question...

“So…..um…what exactly is the plan for this weekend?”

I remember his answer so vividly.    

“Plan?  I don’t suppose there is a plan,” he said, without batting an eye.

Huh?  I’m not sure I understood what he said.  There’s always a plan.  I pulled my eyebrows back together a bit and then asked the question a different way…

“I mean, like, what time are you thinking we will come back on Sunday?“

And again he basically had the same answer, “I haven’t really thought about it.  We’ll just see how everything goes.”

See how what goes?  I swallowed hard and mentally ran through the list of reasons I was falling for this person.  He was witty and fun and enjoyed being around my family. He was also athletic and musical. Ok, those were good things…keep those in mind….keep those in mind.  But does he not have a plan!!!??? How can he not even think about planning for when we would head home on Sunday? 

I feel the need to have a plan every single day.  It’s ingrained in me.  Usually every hour has a general purpose.  I have a mental, and often physical, to-do list that I enjoy checking off.  It gives me a sense of purpose and intention.  How do people NOT live like this?  There’s something that seems irresponsible to not have a plan.

But the real truth is, it’s not that I need a plan at all……  It’s actually more like this…

I want MY plan to go the way that best suits MY desires and MY comforts.  It’s ultimately about ME getting my way.  

The ugly truth.  My finite being thinks she can plan everything out for her best.   

In reality, God is the Creator and Sustainer of the universe.  He is the master of time and situations.  He set the stars in place and calls them by name.  This world is His, not mine.  My plans pale in comparison.  I have a limited perspective.  I have a tee-tiny viewpoint.  I see one page of the book and he owns the publishing company. 

And yet, knowing all of this, I still question Him.  I still set in motion my plans without much regard for His.  So much of the time, I consult my own wisdom, and I consider my own desires more perfect than His.

So, what happens when our plans don’t work out in the way we envisioned?  What happens when we don’t come home at a specific time on Sunday? What happens when the husband has an affair? Or the wife leaves? What happens when the children go astray?  What happens when sickness and death eat away at our goals and dreams? What then?  We would never plan for those things.  And yet they still happen.

Maybe, just maybe, He has something better in mind.

Zechariah and Elizabeth (Luke 1) most likely had plans when they married. I just bet that they hoped for children to come quickly.  I would imagine they planned for a quiver-full.  They were described as upright in God’s sight and as faithful followers of the Lord’s commands. These were good people honoring God with their lives.  As the years passed with not one child to call their own, I wonder if they doubted God’s plan?

I wonder if Elizabeth questioned God.  I wonder if Zechariah wallowed in self-pity over not having a son.  I wonder if they ever cried out “Lord, this just doesn’t seem right! This isn't the way we planned it!”

All the while God had His own plan in place. And His was much better, much higher. 

As for God, His way is perfect… 2 Samuel 22: 31

Zechariah and Elizabeth would eventually be parents, but it wasn’t in the way most people plan.  In their old, old age, they would bear the Foreteller.  Their son, John, would be the one responsible for telling people of the coming Christ.  He would be "filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.” Luke 1: 15  These godly people wouldn’t just have a son, but they would bear a son that would bring God glory in the highest.  He had a better plan in mind all along.  When they were young and newly married, they could never have fathomed the way God would work in their lives.  And apparently they hadn’t grown bitter over not getting their way.  They were faithfully serving him in the meantime. 

Forward twenty-two years from that first trip to my husband’s hometown.  Our life now consists of three children, tons of changes, many unexpected challenges, and a boatload of grace and forgiveness.  I have learned much about planning and how, much of the time, it just simply doesn’t go the way I think it will.  I’ve learned to appreciate my husband’s disposition and reverence for God’s plan instead of his own. 

I can’t lay down planning completely.  It’s in the very nature God has formed in me.  We often need the planners of the world for direction and organizational purposes.  However, we must learn to seek out God’s plan above our own.  Resting in His ways instead of our own equals submission to the twists and turns that life brings. 

 

Right now I have a few things in my life at which I feel like shouting, "This isn't how I planned it!!'  I can wallow in doubt, frustration, and bitterness over not getting MY way, or I can unabashedly trust the Lord.  I can throw my mental  temper tantrums wondering if He's even listening, or I can thank Him in advance for working all things for the good of my life and His ultimate glory.  I can ride the roller coaster of life with my eyes closed, screaming, "This is not how I would've designed this thing!" or I can throw my hands up and enjoy the thrill of it with abandon and invite others to join me on it. 

I'm learning that it's best sit back and enjoy the ride. 

 

Many, O Lord my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.  Psalm 40: 5